>> Friday, August 31, 2007
& cramps.HAPPY TEACHERS DAY
especially to my favourite among all favourite teachers.
it was a kinda okay and alright day.
i think.
went walk-a-thon with the whole school.
through limbang park.
and it was fun.
i guess?
the school apparently chaotic.
:)) & i love it.
cam-whoring and stuff.
the going back to primary school today was okay.
met alot of people i miss & longed to see.
i guess not?
i have no idea.
but seeing people change.
to worst
or to good?
but i still like every minute.
& i think my heart was a messed that moment?
i dont know.
it was damn tiring.
went to teck whye pri
then to kranji
lastly to chua chu kang pri.
so what can i say.
i got messed up feelings.
people do not know.
i think every day & minute.
every problems i guess never solve.
every now and then.
i always felt the hate & hurt;
every where i go,
i guess.
im still confused more than ever.
deena'
& i hate myself more.
the messed up.
"& sometime i think,
do you even care?
do you ever think of me?
do you share the same feelings?
do you have the thoughtful mind?
cause even more so i think you didnt.
well.
& even more so.
i hate my everyday feelings."
im sorry.
maybe im just a burden.
6:06 AM;
smacked me up.
smacked me up.
>> Thursday, August 30, 2007
& tired day?so hell yeah!!
starting of the day,
i start off with my eyes almost close.
tell me about it.
i do not have enough sleep every single day.
& today i cant hold the tiredness till now.
im struggling trying to open my eyes.
Physical Education is dirty today.
totally eew.
muddy here & there.
playing rugby at the field:)
& my imperfect shoe got all muddy.
i went bare footed at class after recess:)
hehe. i know is damn disgusting and smelly.
tell me about it.
the stench i fallen to.
hakh!
after all that.
comes the most irritating thing happen.
& I MOST HATE MDM MARY RAJOO.
my literature teacher.
a monster like face.
a witch like nose.
she have a crooked mouth.
a loud, sharp, noisy, boring , disgusting voice.
she dress up awfully.
thinking she is pretty in her rebonded hair.
i ignore all her teaching.
& walk out and in the class whenever i want.
tees. a bad example of a chairperson.
so dont follow.
went swimming.
with the gangs.
COOL FUN.
especially fighting with khairil underwater.
do tai chi &kung fu.
made me laugh & blow bubbles underwater.
haha.
:)so i think i had fun.
p.s the swimming made me think of High School Musical 2.
im so being childish:P
teehees.
deena'
im so caught in the middle.
the love poems & fairytales?
"When I'm with you,
eternity is a step away,
my love continues to grow,
with each passing day.
This treasure of love,
I cherish within my soul,
how much I love you.
you'll never really know.
You bring a joy to my heart,
I've never felt before,
with each touch of your hand,
I love you more and more
Whenever we say goodbye,
whenever we part,
know I hold you dearly,
deep inside my heart.
So these seven words,
I pray you hold true,
"Forever And Always,
I Will Love You." "
-wrote by chris engle.
6:05 AM;
smacked me up.
smacked me up.
>> Tuesday, August 28, 2007
it was a mixture then?& my mood when over and up.
and over and down?
understand neither do me.
school was a rather wet today
reach school, soaked.
from hair to shoes.
& it was rather fun. hakh?
and there it was, after school
having the maths clinic.
& what do lily say about maths clinic.?
she says that is only for people who is SICK
from doing mathematics.
oh hell yeah right.
it was yet shitty to be the tutor.
& more shitty doing nothing there.
hanging out with friends is yet great.
but bare in mind, do they help you EVERY TIME?
hmm. i guess not.
and every time i am being blame.
so what am i here?
im just a burden, am i?
and a McDonald's,
i sat & wait.
wait wait.
but yet it was fun & okay.
with the ultra big size guys?
haha.
thanks azhar from sec 1i
for treating me & gang mcflurries and 4 large fries:)
hell rich yeah.
at then. now?
i found out i lost my calculator.
1st calculator, had an disease of spoiled buttons.
now lost.
& so nags happens.
im being blame.
telling that,
the money can spend on something more beneficial.
and so?
how about yourself?
spend on cigarettes.
and if you count the money that you spent on them,
i can buy MORE BENEFICIAL STUFF!
dumbass?
whatever.
i know im a burden.
everytime i tried to change,
it hurts.
they didnt believe.
i know SHE is like much more better than me.
i so know now.
or before?
so what.
i feel the hurt more.
the soreness.
treating me dirt.
shit. & ass.
i tried to care & change.
& so it is so easy for me to change to bad.
inside me, deep inside.
mixtures of feelings & thoughts.
and i stray from love.
im nothing.
a dirt.
a dust.
a dump.
a rubbish.
im such of burden.
im useless.
so what can i say.
i am all that.
you cant say im not.
i cant even make you pleased.
or even happy or smile.
i cant even help you.
im careless.
i cant even make you to like me,
yet i make you even hate me.
SHE can make you happy.
i guess.
& when i listen to my favourite songs,
just to cool me down.
cause even the close ones cant even calm me
nor comfort me.
cause even the loves ones cant neither.
& even me cant calm myself.
i write & draw expressing myself.
nobody even know what i feel now or before or after.
soon,
neither me know.
i dont know no more.
i know nothing no more.
help? i drown.
deena;
The memory journey.Y
"Dilemma never ends
neither it starts
the love that lends
you got no guts.
The hurt i feels
i confuse i think
the tore it brings
my heart sinks.
Who and why
do them care
do all of this is a lie
the feeling i couldnt bare.
I do felt abandon in times
when you ignore me
must a poem rhymes
& yet i felt like im not me.
-so again neglect every feelings i had, please."
wrote by:dinah syaza.
so yet again,
blame it on me.
sorry.
5:33 AM;
smacked me up.
smacked me up.
>> Monday, August 27, 2007
& now my heads and heart hurts every second?im not so sure.
yet today my ankle gets more sore.
& i had my ssc (student sport committee) duty.
play sports & i felt relief
as them is kind of okay today:)
i felt the friendship.
but still felt the hurt?
sometimes second chance is hard to find.
and everyday something new happen.
& i still longing for something sparking happen.
i guess sometime what you didnt expect came true,
& what you did, did not happen.
its like the karma in life.
i guess.
im in dilemma as always.
i try to change every ways of me.
im not satisfied with myself.
i hate it i guess.
what can you expect from a girl like me?
nothing,i think.
deena'
the wish story?
"My heart pounding
my head confusing
spinning, vomiting
& hurting.
The smile you put on
the shy you had
it can be more shown
& oh dear , please dont be sad.
Because now im here thinking
should i or should i not
&now im breathing
but it doesnt help me alot.
I need your hug
your laugh, your smile
i do not want any shrugs
&i promise you i ran miles.
Mistakes are haunted
i want no other you
i want to see you here, thats what i lamented
&knowing you hear me, i hope its true
oh please say that you care
& oh please again dont share.
- but i know you dont love me so."
wrote by dinah syaza binte roslan:)
5:21 AM;
smacked me up.
smacked me up.
>> Friday, August 24, 2007
why does it happens.& im in the middle?
shit.
deep down inside,
my tears are kept.
too sad too disapointed.
so what can i say,
am i that bad?
& so what can i do,
do get my friends back together?
i had my problems
yet this add on more.
now, i'm waiting.
for better things to happen.
i pray & pray.
yet nothing happens.
i know it needs patience.
i am being it.
at least, trying to be.
i do not know how to face all my beloved ones.
i felt like im a loser.
i need help & fast.
my heart is sinking;
every minute.
deena'
i just want a simple friendship,
but maybe i have none.
"why just a simple friendship,
turn out so bad
& it doesnt even let me sleep.
you do not know how sad.
I just want a simple friendship
where we can understand each other
& i just want a special grip
that didnt bother.
i need a simple friendship
i admit changes takes time
but down so deep
it doesnt sound like chime.
-& im sure people have their own way to change.
Now, being in the middle hurts
i can't cry
the hurt it gets
everything drown & dry.
Relationships don't get deep in me
&deep inside tears are kept
you can never see
i think, i sigh and i sat
- thinking i only need just one simple friendship."
wrote by:Dinah Syaza Binte Roslan
6:08 AM;
smacked me up.
smacked me up.
>> Tuesday, August 21, 2007
NOTE: sorry for not updating past few days as kind of busy.A usual boring day.
& i set off to school.
i felt the boredness.
and yet the same thing happen.
urm?
as today was common test day,
& it is maths.
my whole brain apparently thinking of formulas.
1/3π r(square) h? and gosh.
it hurts.
& yet again i felt really sick.
i wanted to vomit but i can't.
My head hurts. My body aches.
sick&tired of being flu-ing?
HELL AGAIN.
dilemma strikes.
heart pumping.
nervous racking?
tell me about it.
deena?
The love story.
"If you could see inside my soul
see inside my heart
you would know how I long for you
whenever we're apart.
we can't know what's in store
there is one thing I know for sure
each day I love you more.
So if you could see inside my head
if thoughts were things to see
you would know I blessed I feel
to have you here with me.
The sparkle in your beautiful eyes
your smile, laugh, your touch
are just a few of many reasons
I love you oh so much.
I could search the whole world over
and this I know is true
I would never find another love
like the love I found with you.
In all the ways you comfort me
the way you hold me near
the way you know just what to do
to chase away my fear."
poet by- jay scott.
3:51 AM;
smacked me up.
smacked me up.
>> Friday, August 17, 2007
hmm.a much better day.
with smiles.
& through coldness & wetness.
shit.
haha.
a sudden pour.
& apparently i was shivering.
doing my wet-test paper.
haha.
so today went to mount faber with the TAF & SSC.
it was total madness.
well.
it was okay.
i miss people.
& here i am waiting my dad to come back home.
i wanted to msg PEOPLE & GOOD FRIENDS WHICH MAKE ME SMILES
my hell handphone is prepaid-ly low.
Sorry.
hakhs.
SSC ROCKS
deena.
isnt he superly HOT&SPICY? yumyum.
"i love you more than ever.
i want to take pictures together.
& smile and i modify.
i want to hug & console.
i miss you? i dont know.
no more."
6:45 AM;
smacked me up.
smacked me up.
>> Thursday, August 16, 2007
MOODSTRINGS?hmm yeah.
the one whole lot day.
having ups & downs.
i kept quiet.
i suddenly felt even more hurt.
hmm.
one part i was laughing my ass out.
another i teary up.
i cannot simply cry.
it was TOO pain to handle.
every look makes me hurt.
evenmore so.
" why keep interfering ?
why? i wanted to love.
now i can't.
im not suppose to do anything, am i?
ouh god."
so then sometimes the laughter is the best medication ever.
my friends are the best.
KHAIRIL & SYIKIN ALWAYS MAKES ME LAUGH.
so thanks.
it made me whole lot better.
even atifah, rafidah , lily, arshad & akmal.
now. even dilemma started.
deena'
leave me alone as i sat & die
"i sat on brigde thinking my whole lot problems.
it made me dumb.
i sat & cry.
the sigh,
i made every second.
kills me. & do i miss you?"
im sorry.
blame it on me.
5:49 AM;
smacked me up.
smacked me up.
>> Wednesday, August 15, 2007
:) ?im not so sure.
watever it is
i missing a whole lot things.
in my heart.
haha.
well,
now im apparently bored.
sms-ing Syazwan.
he is apparently making me feel un-bored.
& listening to meaningful songs.
They made me emo.
well.
GOOD LUCK mr syazwan for maths test.
be sure to put medication at your hands & legs.
okay, now im even bored.
today was tiring.
i wanted to sleep in class.
REALLY WANT TO.
urgh.
i want to go back to camp please.
deena'
im stucked nuts for you?
" i miss you?"
6:23 AM;
smacked me up.
smacked me up.
>> Tuesday, August 14, 2007
i am back homefrom a marvellous camp memories.
campfeast.
it was most loveable.
memorable?
i do miss someyone.
but it all drifted away.
I MISS THEM ALL SO MUCH.
I MISS THERE.
I MISS THE FRIENDS I'VE MADE.
but I CERTAINLY NOT MISS THE TOILETS.
& they stuff us with food.
& made me feel i was overly fat.
haha.
apparently it almost made me almost vomit.
urgh!
the bunks was i think alright.
so heck yeah.
I CERTAINLY LOVES THE ACTIVITIES.
rock climbing.Rapelling.Paintball.Achering.Flying Fox.
paintball memories. hakh!
ouh god.
the relationship between me and my friends bond more.
Camp feast night was apparently okay.
i sat with my friends laughing our guts out.
tears of laughter just because about one zikir jokes.
well nevermind about that.
i was force by Sir Hassan to go up to stage.
along with 9 other people.
as AUTOBOTS win & DECEPTICONS loose the dog and bone game.
urgh.
& cresent girls can't even relax.
so hell yeah i miss the WHOLE lot.
i love campfeast.
can i go back there pls?
deena'
the paintball memories.
& i love it=D
"i miss you hell.
but drifted away sometimes.
sometimes i wonder,
do you miss me?"
5:23 AM;
smacked me up.
smacked me up.
>> Sunday, August 12, 2007
THE STORY IS BELOW:)thank you
THE SECOND DAY
cam-whore i shall say.
whatever again.
erm. whatever,
sponsoring: ANYTHING!
erm. nothing to do?
the second morning.
THE FIRST DAY
the first thing when we reached there.
tryout the channels. of course
air-cons, praying mattress & frigde to store
smelly fishes & prawns.
mattress & bed.?
3:37 AM;
smacked me up.
smacked me up.
>>
oh dear.im worn out.
several days past i did not update.
Family want to use computer.
so i did not use it.
heck care.
heck care.
yesterday had a chalet, my mum's friends.
& i did not sleep that well.
Just got back.
So yeah.
i met this ROCKING FRIEND.
her name is DIANA ULFAH.
the didi i met are damn hilarious.
it was a shy night+morning.
i don't really dare to talk to her.
neither do she. haha.
watching the ring.
and her butt hurts.
haha
so then she end up talking to me.
after that,we talk.
duh.
& went to follow uncle jazz and cik zie + cik mariam all.
TO "BAPOK-HUNT"
and god,
i tell you something.
they ARE SUPER SEXY.
wearing all the tight dresses so short.
wearing short that stuck to the butts.
wearing shirts reveal parts of their boobs.
&i shall declare,
we girls are not like them.
they are apparently MORE PRETTIER.
but is revolting to hear them speak & to see some of their faces.
& their desperate needs, talking to every men that pass.
trying to woo them.
urgh&eew.
After that went to a coffee shop.
watch football.
so went back to cabin.
& apparently everybody was getting ready to sleep.
me and didi.
have no place to sleep.
THEY CONQUER ALL BED AND MATTRESSES.
haha.
we took a blanket, lay it on floor.
and share a pillow.
thats all we have to sleep.
& i end up getting aches at my back.
but still i never sleeps.
every five minute of sleep feels like hours.
&there is a GUARDIAN WHO PLAYS LAPTOP THE WHOLE MORNING.
haha.
so every wakes. hurts. haha.
Watch ellen degenerous show in morning.
& damn tired.
but still i love every minute of the chalet.
sometimes i dont.
tees.
haha.
so every wakes. hurts. haha.
Watch ellen degenerous show in morning.
& damn tired.
but still i love every minute of the chalet.
sometimes i dont.
tees.
deena'
pictures are all above.
"i sat at the bench under a tree.
under bright moonlight.
looking at the night sea.
i look beside me there is noyone.
& i wish you were here with me.
the night was beautiful.
it all conquer my heart."
3:02 AM;
smacked me up.
smacked me up.
>> Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Today was un-normal day of all.The home clothes wearing ND celebration at school turn to be fine.
It was hot. & performaces was put up.
& i admit some events were abit LAME.
After the whole event, went to macdonalds a while.
just to wait for Ms Rafidah Jaafar.
& i was happy because my so called mum gonna spent time with so called papa. (mind you, not the real parents)
then turn out to be, my papa angkat went off.
shitty. everyone(apparently) went emo.
but then turn out okay.
reached at causeway.
& this un-expectable thing happened.
which i apparently ignore.
eat at the kampong-ish banquet.
well. some people tend to make people emotional,
eventhough it does'nt invlove me.
" i love the way you melt my heart,
inside out.
i kept picturing you at my mind.
& eventhough the dilemma still remains."
will i ever see you again?
deena'
RIK dancers, i miss?
saw the big boob showing girl,
that's my best biggy butt friend,
i guess.
& she is lily.
thanks for understand my feelings babe.
i do owe you one.
& copycats, STOP LAR SEY.
6:46 AM;
smacked me up.
smacked me up.
>> Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Oficially, heart beat fast.To excited for i don't really know what.
Hak. tsk.
well.
Today was absolutely normal until after schooling.
accept, for all the lesson, mostly arshad bully me.
but nevermind.
i was sick. sneezing & nose itch all the way.
TISSUE PAPER I HAD USED BY:
GINNY
SASHA
KAMARUL
ATIFAH
thanks peeps.
or else my nose would be all droopy with gooey liquid.
teehee.
& it be damn red.
My cough is getting worst.
& it all thanks to all my sickly friends who it pass to me.
ouh god.
"i want to know the inner.
i was held back.
looking just at pictures.
& it was gone, and melts."
so that was what i apparently feel.
so yet tomorow.
a HUGE plan after celebration.
10a.m end of school & going to i have no idea where to go.
1st idea outing: Causeway Point
2nd: Jurong point
3rd: Orchard
4th: Vivocity
5th: Habourfront? (isnt it is just next to vivo?)
what ever it is.
we are gonna have blasting time.
with my so called father.
haha & my so called mum.
Home clothes day for tomorow.
& for wearing home clothes need to pay $1?!
believe it or not.
i think is lame.
Well, it was for charity.
Worthy i guess.
& to all the kranjians who paid or going to pay.
BE YOURSELF DAY.
teehees.
btw, happy birthday singapore?
haha.
semakin tua.
haha.
deena'
5:31 AM;
smacked me up.
smacked me up.
>> Monday, August 6, 2007
i sat on
swing.
though i smiled.
still.
im in huge dilemma.
do you love me.?
tell pls.
7:19 AM;
smacked me up.
smacked me up.
>>
MS TOH IS OUT OF MIND!
& okay.
she almost cried.
but kind of funny.
a prank that was held.
so nvrm about that.
and im reading another book.
Princess diaries, after eight by meg cabot.
oh dearly i love that author.
"The young girl sit on the swing, her heart heavy,her eyes swollen with tears.
The world as she's known it has ceased to exist. She will never again know what it is
to laugh with childish abandon, because her childhood is behind her.
Crushed hopes and disappointed dreams will be her constant companions
now that love of her life has flown. She raises her eyes to watch a plane as it soars
across the brilliantly lit sky, the sun sinking in the west .Is that the plane carrying away her love?
& okay.
she almost cried.
but kind of funny.
a prank that was held.
so nvrm about that.
and im reading another book.
Princess diaries, after eight by meg cabot.
oh dearly i love that author.
"The young girl sit on the swing, her heart heavy,her eyes swollen with tears.
The world as she's known it has ceased to exist. She will never again know what it is
to laugh with childish abandon, because her childhood is behind her.
Crushed hopes and disappointed dreams will be her constant companions
now that love of her life has flown. She raises her eyes to watch a plane as it soars
across the brilliantly lit sky, the sun sinking in the west .Is that the plane carrying away her love?
Probably. It disappears into the crimson sunset."
Emotionally touching.
My goal now is to read 10 books and more for august
so it was meant to improve my english.
any improvements?
neh.hak!
My tagboard has some problems.
My tagboard has some problems.
& disease of its own.
So people reading my blog.
you need to wait for the tagboard.
Sorry for the inconvience.
Now apparently,
im waiting fot national day celebration at school.
I dont know why.
Maybe because of wearing home clothes.
yippy!
hmm. but its kinda normal.
tsk!
deena.
im so missing the childhood.
&im missing them too.
5:51 AM;
smacked me up.
smacked me up.
>> Saturday, August 4, 2007
Just got back home from so called ceremony.& its hell tired.
Morning NCC.
but it was lucky i never did Marchings and all.
if not i'll be dead by now.
its was most weird.
Like karma or something.
nevermind.
So there was this psycho-path I met.
really small & weird.
watching t.v & suddenly he off it.
changing channels just to make us bored.
& make us hate him.
god. is he psycho.
Hope i never gonna see him.
But i will somehow.
"am i missing him?
or is that just a feeling i tingled?
that's how it seem.
and still im out of my mind."
another lyrics out on my mind right now.
yet again, deena'
p.s miss sha i miss you:)
picture taken by: Sasha the pervert?neh.kidding
8:20 AM;
smacked me up.
smacked me up.
>> Thursday, August 2, 2007
again updating. i feel a whole bored in me.& i lost interest in everything.
i felt the apartness between everything.
"somehow i knew you would hate me, one day
And leave me aside to cry that's what i say."
the lyrics upon my own words.
emotional is not a good thing.
but everyone goes through that.
right?
I'm waiting to watch high school musical 2.
i do not know why.
but it gave me interest in love.
ha ha.
some how i am not in love in anyone particular.
maybe, maybe not.
& yet i don't give a damn.
Deena'
3:31 AM;
smacked me up.
smacked me up.
>>
So yet again, i type here again at my revive blog.Today was yet the most normal thing going on.
my morning sucks.
With the smell of the outstanding Beijing,
it made my nose itch.
Kranji is most budget school i ever been & school at.
Okay, dunearn can brought in New Zealand kids,
and what do kranji brought in? China Outstanding Smell Kids.
Yippy?
Urgh.
Forget about it.
& i tell you one thing,
i do hate copycats.
it felt like people doesn't have life.
But so what. Its a statement i've done. Right?
I read a book called Becky Banana by Jean Ure.
Its about Life and stuff.
& i simply love this part.
"Being born i must say,is a very strange and unsatisfactory experience. Why is it, for instance, that no one can ever remember it? You would think you would remember such event. For nine whole months you live in the dark, all warm and safe and tucked away, with nothing bad happening to you, and then quite suddenly you're pushed out into the world in really a very brutal rough fashion, like being squeezed headfirst out of a tube, gasping for breath and wondering whatever can be going on."
but seriously there's more to it.
I love every quote.
So yeah.
& still i'm deena.
short hair.aah.
2:03 AM;
smacked me up.
smacked me up.
>> Wednesday, August 1, 2007
& my blog has revive from dead.Ultimate tired from the constructions that I've done.
Still wondering, why do people shit?
neh. just kidding.
this blog have been revive because of 2 reasons:
1) people have been increasing on doing blogs.
2) Sasha once ask me to do.
SO HERE IS MY REVIVE BLOG.
" the story of the betrayal hurts me"
and i'm deena.
hell yeah. i've been study.
&migraines hurts most.
4:22 AM;
smacked me up.
smacked me up.